The Die Heart Trilogy (1): Microamnesia

When people can't bear to admit they were wrong

Five years ago at the start of convid, I initially bought into the mask myth - a remnant of my Japan-worship - but soon learned how useless muzzles were.

I knew a bunch of people who believed in the Mask. I politely expressed my doubts - I did not declare masks “useless” - and got called “stupid”. People whom I had respected for years approved of this attack on me.

Then they did a 180 with no explanation, no admission they had been wrong. They were suddenly on the same page as me but never apologized to me.

Yesterday, one of them expressed how terrible the nastiness got if one dared to ask questions, and the other wanted apologies for the nastiness aimed at them.

NO. SELF. AWARENESS.

I was furious at the time, but tonight I can laugh at their words. Which I agreed with then and now. Even though they were unaware of how those words also applied to them - to what they did to me!

They have Perpetual Hero Syndrome. Whatever side they are on at the moment is the right one, and whoever is on the other side (there’s only one in their binary mindset) is the enemy.

I went from being their friend to being their enemy and back to their friend again. In their minds.

In my mind … I lost a lot of respect for them. Calling someone you disagree with “stupid” is bad; agreeing with the “stupid” person overnight and acting as you were on his side all along is even worse.

Do they remember how they supported masks to the point where they insulted me?

Or do they have microamnesia?

In this trilogy, I’m going to write (briefly, as always) about three kinds of amnesia. Forgetting. Which in Chinese is written as 忘, a compound of the character 亡 for ‘to lose; (by extension) to die’ and the character for 心 ‘heart’:

‘to forget’ (with ‘to lose’ in red atop ‘heart’ in black) in Mao Zedong’s cacography; forgetting is an ugly thing

In ancient Chinese, the word or ‘to lose’ was also used to express ‘to forget’, and only later did ‘to forget’ develop a distinct pronunciation as well as a distinct spelling.

Forgetting is the loss of the heart.

That loss can occur at different scales.

Microamnesia is the smallest kind of amnesia that interests me. I’m not talking about forgetting trivial things like where one puts something. If that were the case, I have a macro case of microamnesia.

No, I’m talking about individuals who can’t remember what they stood for the day before. Afflicted with Perpetual Hero Syndrome, they go along with whatever is the Current Good Thing.

When I was in a European country years ago, a Jewish man I knew well expressed annoyance with the self-righteousness of the locals. They acted as if they would have all resisted the Nazis, even though almost all of them would have complied.

I recall a European from a former colonial power telling me that when their country lost their colony, those who would have been proud of overseas possessions suddenly disavowed them. Colonies were ‘out’.

Like Nazis.

Like Dubya-style neoconnery.

I was a big war cheerleader during the Iraq Attaq of 2003 and the following year. I came to know a lot of warbloggers. They all gradually stopped speaking of the glories of Godforce in Iraq and Afghanistan.

But apart from me, no one in my circle ever admitted they were wrong in public. Or with one exception, in private.

I had lost touch with one of my idols from that horrid period. I looked him up a few years ago. He was still blogging. Twenty years ago, he railed against antiwar idiots. Years later, he was using the same invective against neocon morons. Without ever admitting he used to be one of them.

Having Perpetual Hero Syndrome means never having to admit you were wrong.

One last example of PHS that haunts me. Years ago I found an online photo of a letter in Japanese sent by a young Korean soldier to his father shortly before Japan’s surrender on August 15. The letter could have been dated the 14th. 10th, 12th, whatever, close enough. The soldier expressed loyalty to the Great Japanese Empire. Performative or sincere? The letter would be read by a Japanese censor. In any case, there’s no way the writer would have written - or said - such things again after the war - after the end of Japanese rule of Korea. Would the writer admit he had served the Japanese, the enemy? Would he rewrite his past to be a pro-Korean patriot?

I don’t know the answers to that question for that particular individual. But I bet the answers would not be flattering for many.

I’m not singling out Koreans as being prone to PHS. I suspect PHS is a pan-human affliction. It seems very hard for people to admit they were wrong. It’s embarrassing.

I know. I have been wrong about so many things in my life. I was a Communist, an anti-White bigot, an environmentalist, and all for LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ, masks and vaccines.

But I won’t forget who I was.

I remember. And I strive to be better.